We never even gave "us" a chance. Is it too late? I miss feeling that jump in my stomach every time I see your name on my phone.

I saw some cool leaves and decided to draw them. This is late for autumn, but I thought I'd post it anyway instead of waiting for next autumn to come.

So in AP Lit, we were assigned to write a sonnet in iambic pentameter. Here is my.. attempt at that. xD
I have to say, this took me a looong time. I personally prefer blank verse, and so having all these rules to abide by was annoying but it definitely made it interesting.

Time stops for no one, or so I am told,
Listen to the sound as the clock strikes three,
Before you know it the young will grow old
And your very own dreams will cease to be.

Oh, how I wish to be a child again,
With scrapes on my knees and mud on my hands,
The little things weren’t so trivial then,
And dear Mom and Dad handled all the plans.

In youthfulness there is true innocence,
The days seem to dwindle on forever
Until you grow older and lose patience,
All becomes lost, gone are your endeavors.

Let Time be your friend, not your enemy,
And who knows, maybe it will pause for thee.

Several days ago I read through "Dear John." the latest novel by Nicholas Sparks. Nicholas Sparks, of course, is a fantastic author in my opinion and I'm sure many other readers think the same way. This book definately had it's ups and down but man.. this is one of those books that I can't read in public because it makes me cry so hard. xD Seriously though, this is a tragic love story between A modern day soldier of the US army and named John and Savannah who is sort of like your 'girl next door' except more noble and compassionate so to say. Of course, i'm using the word noble lightly.

I don't regret reading it. It was beautifully written, but the plot is VERY predictable. It would have been nice if there was more surprises and mystery but a lot..probly even too much is given away in the Prologue. It kind of ruins the book for me, but I can see why Sparks decided to start the book at the end and then reverse time.

Again, this book will make you cry. Take that as warning. haha unless you have no heart. just kidding but anywho, this book does establish this feeling of reality that you have for the characters. It's almost as if John and Savannah are real people, somewhere out there and all you want is for them to get together. Just like in pretty much all of Sparks novels, there is a sort of lesson in this one; which is that if you truely love someone, you will care more for their happiness than your own.

Autism is a subject that is repeated quite a lot of times in this book. As well as Aspergers. I found a deeper meaning during the chapters that really focused on the relationship between John and his father (who has Aspergers). A meaning that I could relate to. My own dad has a disease, not like Aspergers or Autism but one that definately makes me frustrated at him a lot of the time. I'm just 16 years old.. I shouldn't have to be watching out for my dad. I shouldn't have to be the one who helps him with day to day activities. Can't I just be like any other teenager for once? Have more time with my friends, hang out watching movies... However after thinking about it, I've just realized that my expectations for my father were as if he were an intelligent, fully functioning man. But the truth is, he's not and his disease will never allow him to be. But that does not change the fact that he is my dad and no disease will ever change that.

So this post has gotten kind of long, I guess that's what happens when around this time.. I just tend to ramble on. haha well, Dear John is an incredible book. In three short words, I LOVED IT.

i was really fed up yesterday with...everyone.

anyway, the poems that i wrote...

Open your eyes

In between the worlds of what is real
And what is not, stands a girl who’s name she has forgot
Everyday she lets her fears hold her back-
From enjoying the life that she
Herself has colored black.
I wonder about this girl,
This girl who’s name she forgot.
If only she could open her eyes
To see past the twisted old lies,
Then maybe her days will cease to rot.

Then one day, as the sun
Pushed back the grey clouds its way,
She looked up at the sunlight
That could be seen from the bay.
She was blinded by the light,
But for once she did not have fear in her mind,
She opened her eyes to the world and reality’s might.



Your choice

No one is going to save you
From the ache that dwells in your heart.
You say that you love him
And that you’ll never let him part,
But the road ahead is crooked and rough
And sometimes we must choose
Between what is easy and what is tough.
Surely, one would go with the path that is lit with bright light.
However, is it the choice
That you feel is right?
No one said that it would be easy
This choice that you must make
But hold your breath and close your eyes
Step forward my dear, nothing here is fake.

It's funny how a school assignment is the reason why I'm writing poetry again. I was a bit surprised with how well they turned out too. Probably my best ones that i've ever done yet.
because number 1, they actually rhyme and 2, they all have a lesson in them. Yeaahh i might just post them on here later.

I watched a couple videos on youtube today too. When i was searching for the song Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne, I stumbled upon the videos that were made in memory of Anna Svidersky. The girl who was randomly stabbed here at a McDonalds. It's weird, because I have been to that same McDonalds before. And in a way, I felt like maybe I have come across her before. Anyway, it surprising how someone you don't even know, can make you cry through their story. Balloons were let loose to the sky for her May 20, even though her 19th birthday was on the 26th. It looked really beautiful, but in the back of my mind, I wondered if it happened to me, what my friends would do. Would they have done something like that?
It's a bad thought really, but just a thought.

I'm sorry for not comforting you when you needed it. I'm sorry that that I was so blind, I didn't see the things that meant most to you. Maybe this is where we say our goodbyes...or maybe we just need to say 'hello' again.

You never said what's on your mind,
you never did unless you're told.

You always left yourself behind.
Flipping each page,
but never reading.
Turning over each cage
but never seeing.

Finding yourself in locked doors,
chapter after chapter...
In a canoe with no oar.

If you don't take command
of the life you call yours
Then others will demeand.

Too late,
It's gone...
The things never said.


first written in 2005. I don't remember exactly when though because i was too lazy to write a date on it when i first wrote it. =/

So i just deleted all my previous entries. I'm not even really sure why I did that. I guess I just felt like it and wanted a change.
So pretty muchh the only thing I will post here are either poetry (which I barely do anymore) and really memorable events.
And maybe even write about some of the most inspriring people to me.